I ran out of kiwis and the kiwi gods said that they weren’t able to send me any kiwis yesterday (must be false idols lah; aren’t gods supposed to have superpowers?), so I I wasn’t able to perform the task for today (use it in a meal and share the picture with your readers). *sob*  But the show must go on, even though I’m kiwi-less.

Fact – kiwis improve bowel function.

(Sung to Bruno Mars – When I Was Your Man, and dedicated to my arch nemesis, Fatboybakes)

Where’s My Jamban?

Same shit, and you feel just a little thinner now
Farts sound like ammo, you sure don’t sound the same
When you step into the loo it’s like warfare in town
Cause your fart breaks a little and the loo’s aflame
And it all just sound like poo, poo, poo, poo, poo…

Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you pampers and washed your hand
Should have hidden all the kiwis when I had the chance
Take back all my kiwis turn on all the fans
Now FBB is pooing, and he’s pooing in my jamban.

Cool cakes, pavlovas, curries and outlandish purees
This kiwi has turned you into a good housewife
Now you hafta, hafta get to clean up the mess you made
And the smell haunts me every time I close my eyes
It all just sounds like poo, poo, poo, poo, poo…

Too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you pampers and washed your hand
Should have hidden all the kiwis when I had the chance
Take back all my kiwis turn on all the fans
Now FBB is pooing, and he’s pooing in my jamban.

Photograph kindly provided by Fatboybakes.

For more information on Zespri kiwifruit, check out their website.  The above post is part of the Zespri 14-Day Daily Scoop of Amazing Challenge.

Post scriptum:  To the Zespri gods, please take this as my contribution for Day 12 (Friday).