My two idols, Fatboybakes and Boolicious were espousing the virtues of baking. I listened keenly, wanting so much a little bit of this happiness which was theirs. They made baking seem…..almost….magical.
So with a grocery list in hand, I went to Bangsar Village to get the ingredients for Cream Cheese Marbled Brownies, a recipe which Fatboybakes had referred to as the easiest recipe ever posted on his blog. It was like God saying how easy it was for Him to create the world in 7 days.
Fatboybakes had indicated that he had taken only 10 minutes to blitz the ingredients together. I figured that since I wasn’t an experience baker, I’d take hmmmm maybe 20 minutes. I laid out the ingredients on the kitchen table, and with a Martha Stewart-like air, I waited for the magic to envelope me. 20 seconds passed, and I didn’t feel anything. Well, perhaps it would come when I started blitzing the ingredients together. Tum-de-dum, I hummed.
I took out the cake mixer, turned it on to test it, and to my horror, I discovered that it wasn’t working. Now that’s what happens when you store away something for 5 years without any protective covering. It was already 10.30 at night, the ingredients were waiting for me, and I had to get moving as I had allocated sufficient time to take a shower after baking and to catch the repeat of the American Idol show at 11.30pm.
So I rolled up my sleeve, chucked the 250gms of cream cheese into a large mixing bowl together with 1/4 cup of castor sugar (an estimate since I could only find my 1/2 cup scoop but not the 1/4 cup) and whisked it manually. Now if you ever want to work out your biceps and triceps, you should try this. After 5 minutes, the cream cheese had yet to change its shape. Heck, I wasn’t going to be fussy, was I? What else did the recipe call for? One teaspoon of cornflour. Check. And yes, one egg. that was easy. I had chosen only the best ingredients for this brownie which I was going to lovingly bake for my husband. Bangsar Village was selling ayam kampung eggs (free range eggs) at RM2.80 for 4 eggs. So the shells looked like they had been splattered with white stuff (no prizes for guessing what), but I figured it added to the authenticity of the eggs.
So far so good, but the magic still seemed far away.
Now what?
Use the zest of one orange and the juice of the same orange. I wasn’t about to waste my precious time grating oranges, so I figured the next best thing was to pour in some orange juice from a carton.
I poured in a splash figuring that it would equate one orange. Stir stir stir. I looked at the stuff in the bowl. It looked lumpy. Obviously, my biceps needed more working out. Whisk whisk whisk. Sprays of orange juice mixed with cream cheese splashed onto my blouse. Beads of sweat appeared on my forehead. My carefully coiffeured hairdo got undone, and I looked worse than a raggedy doll.
“Relax, you’re half way through,” I told myself. “The rest of the recipe should be easy.”
I turned on the oven at 180 degrees to heat it up before I went on to the next step.
Melt 250gms of chocolate in 60gms of butter. I had bought Hershey’s Unsweetened Chocolate (which Fatboybakes had assured me was perfectly fine for this recipe), but at 113gms per bar equalling 226gms for 2 bars, I didn’t worry too much about the remaining 24gms. Feeling quite the accomplished baker, I didn’t bother to measure out the 60gms of butter. I measured a quarter portion of the slab and chucked it into the pan, then threw in the chocolate, remembering to break it into smaller pieces only when I had reached the second bar.
I smelt peanut butter in the air. Puzzled, I looked for the source. Sitting on top of the really hot oven was a plastic container filled with finely chopped peanuts which I had used for another recipe a long time ago. Now, children, what happens when you place plastic on heat? Uh-uh. Yep. Exactly. I reached for the container and lifted it. Big mistake. By that time, there was a gaping hole at the bottom of the container and bits of peanuts drizzled onto the oven, all over the counter and on the floor. Looking at the chocolate melting on the stove, I knew I had to work fast. Wipe wipe wipe. Now I know why I don’t have babies. I’d have fainted from all that cleaning.
At least I didn’t burn the chocolate. But by this time, I had noticed that the chocolate was hardening again. “Warp speed!” I yelled to myself. No, none of that air of zen was present at that point. I grabbed the bag of sugar and measured what I estimated to be three quarters of a cup and threw in half a cup of flour only to realise that I should have sifted it first to remove all the lumps. Too late.
I tasted the mixture. It was bitter. Duh. I had used unsweetened chocolate. I poured in more sugar, not bothering to measure it out anymore. The recipe also called for 2 eggs + 2 tablespoons of cold water. I was so preoccupied with figuring out the cold water bit that I hadn’t realised that I had added just 2 teaspoonsful of cold water. No problem. I added another tablespoon of cold water into the chocolate concoction.
Almost there.
Breath in, breath out.
Line an 8″ square pan. I hunted for my baking parchment which I knew I had stored away somewhere. Murphy’s Law. When things go wrong, they really go wrong. Of course I wasn’t able to find it, so I resorted to the old fashioned method of buttering and flouring the pan. I still had some extra butter after applying it to the pan, so I threw it into the chocolate mixture. Waste not, want not.
I poured the batter into the pan, and then added the cream cheese. With a fork, I decided to make some artistic swirls ala Michelangelo. Instead, the cream cheese sunk like the Titanic to the bottom of the pan. The whole thing looked like a horrible mess.
My ordeal was not over yet.
Shortly after I put the pan into the oven, I realised that the RM20 bottle of vanilla extract was still sitting in its packaging. I let out a yelp and ran to the oven, dragged the hot pan out, got burnt in the process, sprinkled some vanilla extract on the surface and stirred it in. An unconventional approach, no doubt, but hey, better late than never.
Five minutes after the cake had begun merrily baking in the oven, I noticed that the oven was set to the “grill” function. I looked heavenward and wondered what I had done to deserve this.
Drenched in sweat, with the air permeated with the smell of vanilla and chocolate and peanuts, I heard the opening credits for American Idol on TV.
To Fatboybakes and Boolicious – therapeutic, you say? MY FOOT.
The house still smelt of peanuts the next morning.
The Girl from Abu Dhabi may view pictures HERE.
how’s the taste ?
at least it smells good ~ ^_^
Looks good! I’m sure it tasted wonderful, too. ^_^
To achieve a zen-like state, measure out every ingredient before hand (and before feet?!).
A couple of days ago, I yanked open the oven door dragged out the tray, splashing browned water all over ‘coz the Other Half (Dr Jekyll/Mr Jackass) had left the bain-marie setup all still there after he had baked his quark pudding. Sigh. No wonder I don’t have babies either.
oh dear, wat an adventure. dun give up ok, its just happened on a bad hair day… i have some of those days myself too hehe
Very entertaining read. Very happy to know NOT everybody can bake. *scrapping day old carbon from baking pans & oven*. Now with a smile, of course.
on 2nd thought i dun think i shud hav asked for a piece that day on flickr hahaha…
ling239: It was bitter. I think I should drizzle chocolate syrup on it to sweeten it a bit. Or condensed milk! 😛
argus: I admit defeat. Not everyone’s cut out to be a baker. And I can totally relate to your experience with your other half (but cannot put here leh, coz my other half reads this blog kekeke).
babe_kl: I can’t give up coz I still have 3/4 bagful of superfine flour and an expensive bottle of vanilla extract to finish up. Or else, it would have been a RM70 disaster of a chocolate brownie. Yikes.
Tummythoz: Perhaps we should start a club, eh? I’m sure there are more like us out there.
Joe: LOL. Sometimes, looks can be quite deceiving!
Hahahahaha.. I’m sure you exaggerate! But all the same, I’m glad I didn’t read this before I attempted his recipe otherwise I would have scared off!! 😀
But it does taste dreamy – from the fridge, it was like eating a rich cheesy chocolate truffle. I cut it into 1in squares before serving, just nice to pop into the mouth!
what a hilarious post….can be made into a sitcom…or desperate housewives… you will be like susan myer la. (teri anorexia hatcher)
this little snippet of blasphemy here, “Fatboybakes had referred to as the easiest recipe ever posted on his blog. It was like God saying how easy it was for Him to create the world in 7 days.”
must go and check my bible……
Kat: I assure you it was no exaggeration. And stop making me jealous. Mine doesn’t taste at all like a rich cheesy chocolate truffle. It tastes more bitter than Guinness.
fatboybakes: I’m sure you want to emphasise the “anorexia” bit with a big BOLD highlight. As for the “blasphemous” bit, c’mon, I’m sure God has a sense of humour. 🙂
well, different ppl have different talents mah…i like your writings and photos lor (run and hide)…haha!
and why is no one talking about american idol ar? just saw the result and it sucks, as usually. not gonna reveal here cos u might wanna watch the replay later..hehe…who’s your fave this year ar? i’m sure its one of the rockers…ramiele’s cute 🙂
aside to fbb, this is what i meant by “…hard and dry but yours look lusciously moist”…(think i’m in trouble again..hehe).
lord. that was funny – the captions, never mind, try again -loh…
we should get together and ask FBB to teach us how to bake instead of taking it off his blog.
Another few more sessions without the machine and you will kiss goodbye to the gym as well 😛
Haha! I think that’s why I can’t bake at all! I’d better not do this or else I’ll waste my money on the ingredients! The cake still look really delicious! How’d it taste?
This is so hilarious, it’s like reading an edventure of LL’s kitchen or the episode of LL’s murphy’s law. *lol*
But the brownie looks good, i bet it tasted good too, especially you bake it for ur dear hubby =)
Not to worry, my first attempt of baking a cake turned out to be “the baking of the hardest rock”. Only that i didn’t burn my whole house down *bleah*
wei you got a very good sifu there, you get FBB to become your sifu, you will learn a lot of things from him… can’t wait till your next baking post.. hahahaha
I laughed so hard reading this I think I burst a kidney. Or two. Oh you are so donating one to me if I need it, LL. 😀
LOL, I can see u through all that, u conjure great pics with ur words. So u hv more talent than a lot of us. I don’t think I will ever attempt to bake a cake. Psst… If don’t hv oven can use microwave oven ah? :p
Nic: Actually, you’ll be surprised to know that my favourites are Brooke White and Carly Smithson. But I must say that I was extremely impressed with David Cook’s Billie Jean. As for your other comment….when am I gonna see you again boy? I have some poison specially for you.
neko-hime: hehe…I have lotsa catastrophes in the kitchen. Just last night, I dropped a plateful of chicken on my kitchen floor. We ended up eating canned food since it was too late to whip up something else!
Henry: God knows how many times I’ve asked him for lessons. But he’s been a dear, enduring all my silly enquiries and all.
Sugar Bean: The cake was bitter coz I used unsweetened chocolate. Next time (if at all!), I shall use some cheap sweet commercial chocolate instead. 😛
JOjo: I’m such a goofus in the kitchen, I can tell ya that. Stay tuned for more disaster stories.
Bernsy: I’m not sure I’d like to attempt anything in the near future….unless I suddenly suffer a memory lapse!
Kenny Mah: Sorry, I promised my pet dog my kidney. He’s been waiting with salt and pepper in hand. It can be quite a delicacy with them dogs.
Barbie: Thanks….I think! hehehe. So….why don’t you microwave a cake and tell me all about it. harharhar. I’m sure it’ll make quite a tale.
give it to me. I’m sure I will eat it =) U shld hv seen my first batch of cookies, I’m sure they can kill.
Ah well. What about the other kidney?
Haha, you are better in the experience of the food rather in the making of the food!! LOL…
Ooohhh… u’re evil…. preying on my ignorance. I’ve no intention of inviting extra cleaning sessions, thank u! But if zap at ur house, can! 😀
walio! how come it turn out like that? hmmm…. come lar to my studio, we can churn something also! lol!
O.o Gulp….
*lol* I have a lot of luffs reading this! But the product of your labour in the 1st photo sure look delicious~ 🙂 I also experience all these mishaps when I try a recipe for the first time. Sometimes even when I lay out all the ingredients on the counter, I will still left out an ingredient or two!
Baking is hard, but could get addictive pretty fast. But I am still not much a baker.
Such a good exercise eh? *hugs
Well, at least it turned out like a brownie instead of something else 🙂
LOL! That sure cheered me up before bedtime. I am looking forward to a nice chilled Sunday morning. Ya, still your pics looked great as usual despite the grilling and the what not you subjected those poor prisoners of war, er I mean, brownies, to.
I had a horrible oat porridge disaster on the electric hob on friday – it started boiling over like a mad thing when i turned my back, then i started wiping like a mad thing (cannot clean, even if I do have babies) – the builders smelt the burning and came down, then ended cooking the porridge For me. sigh. nice builders though. 🙂
i was bitten by the baking bug a few yrs ago, but miraculously, my immune system somehow managed to flush its toxins out of my body– and thank god for that! now, when it comes to baking, i’d much prefer the receiving end thankyouverymuch.
Well, at least you made an attempt! The last time I baked anything was during Home Science secondary class. Hahaha…
Awww… *patpat* You can do it!
The pictures are still making me drool.
but.. but.. i love peanuts with watching titanic ;p
daphne: You are such a talented baker that I can’t imagine anything of yours that could kill! hehe.
neko-hime: So true!!
BBO: Deal!! I’ll call you!
Jian: hehe…that bad hor.
durianberry: tell me about it! What did we do to deserve this ar?
Rasa Malaysia: Give me nasi briyani anytime! hehehe. You so humble leh….everything on your blog looks so wonderful!
Jason: You mean turd?
Msiagirl: Ah yes, the sexy builders! Your story is almost like one of those X-rated movies lah. Builders come to the house, builders see helpless lady of the house, builders do stuff…….
Jun: I used to bake quite a bit too, but forgot everything about 5 years ago. I hope I don’t suffer from a memory lapse soon.
wmw: Smart girl!!
Chubbypanda: welcome back!!!! Missed yaaaaaaa!!!
teckiee: well, you’ve always been kinda strange… 😛 *hugs*
Well, I made them bacon sandwiches instead…what, you watch those movies, ah? Such good plots right? They also put my groceries away one day when I was not home and it was a delivery!
i was laughing the whole way tru reading ur post. luckily my friend didnt ask why i’m laughing by myself. hahah…
i used to like making cheese cakes..but they just dont get hardened, altho they tasted heavely…so i kinda stop making them. haha…
OMG – I am laughing my head off, thumping the sofa as picture this mis-adventure, dear old friend. Here I am googling Rohani Jelani recipes and lo and behold, your blog appears on multiple pages 🙂 I sure hope you try your hand at baking again… I know that I told myself when my kids appeared that I HAD to at least learn how to make chocolate chip cookies. After burning 2 batches, somebody asked me if my oven temperature was correct and suggested I get an oven thermometer. Well….la… di… da…turns out my oven is actually 50 degrees hotter than what the dial said so…ahah! Failure was not totally my fault. Phew! So, with proper temperature in hand, I kept baking forward and never looked back. 🙂