One of the perks of food blogging is meeting new people, some of whom end up assuming different roles in my life. They come in all shapes and sizes, as is evident in my latest friend, Frat. Frat Mustard.
Frat just dropped in for a quick chat.
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“Hello everyone!”
“Hiya Frat. You’re a shy ‘un, aren’t ya? I thought only food bloggers hated being in the limelight. Why don’t you get out and let us see your face.”
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“Oh, alright. I’ll just climb out of this glass now.”
“Nice biceps.”
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“Let’s cut to the chase, lady.”
“We’re obviously cutting other parts too, eh, Frat? Sure you got your body parts intact?”
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“I came close to losing li’l Frat once. Boo_licious tried eating me, but I made a quick escape when the jug of beer got her attention instead.”
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“Problem is, it got mine too, so I plunged right in.”
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“And then, Fatboybakes lured me with fries. Let me rephrase that. Fatboybakes lured me with A fry.”
*growl*
“That wasn’t my stomach.” *eyes shifting*
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“You can’t possibly be hungry. You just ate a plate of pasta 5 times your weight.”
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“That’s why I’m Fat.”
“You mean Frat.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said. Lisa dahlink, light me a ciggie, babydoll?”
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“You know smoking’s bad for ya.”
“I do…I think about it all the time and just want to drown myself in some Bloody Mary.”
“It’s a virgin. A Virgin Mary.”
“Not once Frat gets into Mary.”
“Right. Moving on…so what does Frat do when he’s not devirginising mocktails?”
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“Yoga. It’s great for unkinking the muscles and spine. Especially if you’re really kinky.”
“Ummm okay.”
“Did you just fart? Something in the air smells spicy.”
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“Oh, that’d be my girlfriends, HP, Heinz and Tabasco. Hello Spicy, Mustard’s here!”
*stuffing nostrils with tissue*
“What else do you do…other than yoga, I mean?”
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“I bungee jump.”
“Into food.”
“Yeah, better to dive into a shitload of food than a load of shit.”
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“Ever got stuck in a tight spot before?”
“Are we talking about Virgin Mary again?”
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“Ummmm…I think that’s all the time we have for you right now.”
“Don’t be a stranger! When you’re in a pickle, think of Frat!”
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For more about Frat Mustard, check out his website HERE. Frat Mustard is also the face for TheQguides, an online restaurant booking site. I’ve signed up. Have you?